The Best Things About Recovery

If you’ve been following me for a while, you’ll know that my relationship with food hasn’t always been great.

Understatement of the century, it was terrible.

However, after 10 years of work, I can safely say that that is no longer the case. And enough time has passed that I feel happy to talk openly about it, with the hope of helping others who are currently struggling.

Like many people, my eating disorder evolved over the years. At my worst, I didn’t have the energy to exercise at all, I was ‘chilled-to-the-bone’ level of freezing, so bony it hurt to sit down, I didn’t have a social life and I was sick to my stomach hungry.

Then, as I began to gain weight (with the help of copious amounts of alcohol whilst I was at university!), I gained enough strength and energy to take up exercise again. At this point, I gradually started to introduce a greater quantity and variety of foods. But whilst I was no longer eating a little as humanly possible, I was still completely regimented with food. I followed a long list of strict rules the time I ate and the types of foods (e.g I’d only allow myself to have carbs after vigorous exercise).

So, whilst the root cause of my eating disorder was wanting to change my appearance, it turned into a control thing. Food was the only thing I could control in the very out of control world we live in. It took a long time but eventually I was able to relax, let go of the rules and delete the calorie counting prison (aka My Fitness Pal).

If you’re struggling to make the steps towards recovery, I truly empathise. I’ve been there, the fear of losing control is real. To help you on your way, I thought I’d list just a few positive things that happened after recovery once I gained weight. So, If you are struggling, here are some reminders of why you should keep going…

- Having freedom around food

- I am longer freezing all the time

- I am no longer ravenous all the time

- I am no longer preoccupied with thoughts of food

- I am happier and healthier generally

- I no longer freak out if I eat food that isn’t nutritionally dense

- I no longer freak out if I miss a workout

- I have much better condition of hair

- I have much better skin complexion

- I enjoy going out for food and not panicking about what’s in the food

- I have periods again (they stopped completely for 5 years)

- I have sooo much more energy

- I have grown womanly curves that I’ve never had before

- I no longer have extreme mood swings

- My mood has improved generally

- Improved sleep

- Improved digestion

- A better fuelled body enables me to train without a major energy crash afterwards

- Improved relationships (probably due to the lack of mood swings!)

Taking the steps towards recovery might seem scary right now, but I promise it’s worth it and that life will get better.

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